How exactly do you deal with the sticky situation of your Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) board members not getting along and perhaps being really mean or even toxic to one another in meetings or at PTO sponsored events?
This is not only a really unpleasant situation to deal with, but it can also be destructive and damaging long term for your parent group, so you really need to address it on some level, sooner, other than later.
Because PTO and Parent Teacher Associations (PTAs) are volunteer organizations, people come to the groups with differing personalities and expectations, plus varying levels of experience, both in work and life.
And that can be hard to manage, especially since volunteers usually don’t come knowing what they need to be doing, and often don’t have the resources they truly need either.
Sometimes all of these differences leave people in conflict.
Maybe it’s a personality clash or a power struggle.
Maybe one board member feels that they are in charge, and is being rude to others.
In this post, we’ll explore some typical situations that come up when working with groups of PTO volunteers and address exactly how to deal with them.
Handling Fighting Board Members
First, team work really does make the dream work in PTO Land.
So if you’re dealing with fighting board members or a pretty aggressive volunteer who’s not playing nicely with others, you’ll be smart to nip it in the bud to prevent things from continuing to be horrible or spiraling into a toxic situation.
Addressing the issue promptly is like pulling the weeds before they have a chance to take root and strangle the garden.
It’s a recipe for disaster that can irreparably damage the fabric of your PTO community.
By stepping in early, you’re not only saving yourself from potential headaches down the line but also fostering an environment where everyone can thrive and contribute their best.
The best course of action here is to talk with the members who aren’t getting along individually.
Actually talk.
Don’t rely on texts or emails because your tone an be misconstrued, further complicating the matter.
Pick up the phone and give them a call.
But give them a day or so after the conflict so they can calm down.
They may be ready to see that what’s going on is unsustainable and harmful to the group on their own.
You may have to gently push the point a bit, so be prepared.
Without getting into the drama or taking sides, stress that PTO volunteering is supposed to be enjoyable, if not fun, so you’d like to find a way for people to work together.
They don’t have to be best friends, but act cordially and professionally, at a minimum.
Ask for their help in making this happen for the rest of the year.
At the same, time, look for ways to minimize the conflicting board members’ interactions going forward.
Maybe suggest they work on different projects so that their focus and energies are split and there’s less likelihood of conflict.
And make sure the Nominating Committee is aware of this conflict so the information can be used when determining the PTO slate of officers for next year.
It may just take the one check in with the members to resolve the issue.
They’ll feel heard, but you’ll be asserting yourself as the keeper of the peace.
Handling an Overstepping Board Member
The next situation that pops up is the board member who is not PTO President, but feels and acts like they should be in charge.
PTO leaders who overstep their bounds are difficult to work with, especially when they:
A. They feel the PTO President doesn’t know what they’re doing
B. They actually wanted to be PTO President, but either lost the election or didn’t even try to be nominated.
C. Some other reason we don’t know.
Ultimately, the reasons for why the board member has forgotten to play nicely with others actually doesn’t matter.
Your response will be the same.
Know your role as President
First, let’s step back and review what the role of all PTO/PTA Presidents is so you can be sure not to overstep your bounds as the PTO leader.
The job of a PTO president or PTA president is not to be the Decider-in-Chief, but it’s to be the Facilitator-in-Chief and the Delegator-in-Chief.
It’s their responsibility to make sure everybody is doing their job, but definitely not to make all the decisions when it comes to the PTO.
Remember to act as the central point person for the organization so anybody who has a question, you can point them to the right person.
It’s not that you as President decide all the things.
If you’ve been operating this way and the other board member is still stepping on your toes, then it’s time for a fresh approach to address the situation.
Reference the Bylaws and Standing Rules
First, remind all board members of their obligation to follow the bylaws and standing rules.
Don’t single any one person out, since it’s likely to cause even more problems.
You of course should also be following these same guiding principles, but make sure everyone has a copy.
Ask them to review them and see if any changes need to be made.
This actually is a nice, non-confrontational way to get them to read it without telling them they aren’t already following the group’s rules.
This may refresh their recollection to realize that they are overstepping their job duties and may get them to step back a bit.
Now, if your groups doesn’t have an updated set of bylaws and standing rules, or they lack specific details like what each board position entails or communication protocols, this may actually be the crux of the issue since your group literally isn’t on the same page.
So job number one in this situation is to draft some rules for everyone to follow.
Need some help making this happen as painlessly as possible?
Check out Bylaws and Standing Rules Made Simple for comprehensive templates and a step by step guide for the entire process of creating from scratch or updating an existing set of governing documents for your PTO.
Delegate a project or series of tasks
If your group has a fantastic set of bylaws and standing rules, then the next thing to try is to give the overstepped volunteer a special project that they can take and run with.
What is on your plate that can be delegated?
No shame in asking for their help.
It may be that they need or want more to do and it’s just coming out in the wrong way.
Maybe not, but at the end of the day, you can ask for their help and if they get it done, then that’s a win-win for you both.
They get to help and you have one less thing to do.
Ignore as a Last Resort
If none of these suggestions work, then the next best thing to do is to ignore the overstepping board member.
Of course, try to minimize conflicts by, for example, having a conversation with your Principal that there’s strife on your board, and ask for their help in reinforcing communication protocols (like including the President on all emails to the Principal).
Chances are the Principal already knows about the conflict and will be happy to help put out the fire before it really gets going, since it’ll save them headache in the long run.
But ignoring the misbehaving volunteer might just be the fix since they may get bored if you’re not engaging in the drama.
Watch this!
I get into a situation when I encountered major conflict one year in my PTA volunteer career in this video, so give it a watch if you’re keen on seeing how I resolved the issue.
Over to you
Dealing with conflict and toxic behavior in your PTO isn’t what you signed up for, so I hope the strategies in this article, including having one-on-one conversations, updating your bylaws and standing rules and checking your own behavior to see where you can minimize conflict, have shed some light on how the make the best of the situation.
Addressing the issues as they pop up is the best case for your group since leaving issues to fester can damage your group long term if not.
Volunteers and members will run form the group and it’ll be hard to have a healthy group going forward.
But at the end of the day, most members involved in PTO are looking to give back in a positive way to the school community, so leveraging this fact can make a huge difference in attitudes and behavior.
