One of the very most unpleasant aspects of being in a PTO (Parent Teacher Organization) and actually working with other humans, really, is the potential for conflict.
Nobody likes it, unless you are on *The Real Housewives*, and personally, I would love to steer clear of it as much as possible. I
So let’s talk about different ways that you can avoid conflict and manage relationships a little bit better.
These are just some things that I’ve learned through my time as a human and also as a PTO leader, and I thought you would love to hear them too.
Be a Good Communicator
The very first part of avoiding conflict is to be a good communicator.
Be clear in what you are saying and what you are writing, and think about what you’re going to say before you say it.
If that means you need to slow down, figure out a way to do so.
Sometimes, my mouth runs before my brain can tell it what to say.
Other times, my brain is about two sentences faster than my mouth, which sometimes causes issues too.
If this is also an issue for you, become aware of that and try to slow yourself down so that you’re communicating more clearly.
Pre-Game the Conversation
A lot of times, when I know I’m going into a tricky situation where there’s the real chance for miscommunication or conflict, I think through the conversation and how I want it to go.
I think through the points I want to get across and then eliminate as many as possible so that it’s short and sweet, because people can’t just absorb an information dump of all your points.
I stick to what’s most important when I am communicating with someone via email or text.
Short and sweet and to the point is most clear.
Sleep on It
If the issue you’re responding to via text or email is one that is particularly hot, then take a beat before responding and sleep on it and send your reply in the morning.
If this will cause you to lose out on sleep, then have someone else give your response a read before you send it.
And if replying by email, schedule it to send in the morning so you won’t have to wake up to a reply that is conflict-filled.
Operate in Good Faith
The next part of avoiding conflict is to really operate with honesty—not that I think you’re not being honest, but I think when you are clear about it, sometimes the truth kind of hurts.
Aim to operate in good faith.
You’re a passionate volunteer who wants the best for your group and yourself.
But it’s helpful to remind yourself not to get caught up, as other people can pull you down, and there might be the temptation to hit back, especially if they’re being nasty.
It’s far better for them to play out and show that they are the fool rather than you getting sucked into the drama with them.
Extend Empathy and Grace to Others
When I think back to the times when I had conflict with other people in my role as a PTO leader, a lot of times it was something they were personally going through.
Extending a bit of empathy, giving them some grace, and giving them time just to spout off can let them act the fool, and I just let them do their thing.
People would then notice and think, “Wow, that other person is really kind of off the rocker,” and I’d agree.
Recognizing that it may not be about you at all but more about them helps.
Learn to Not Take Things Personally
You aren’t chocolate, wine, or pizza and can’t please everyone!
Work to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like you.
In fact, if you’re constantly getting upset because someone doesn’t like you, then you’re always going to be upset, because people can find reasons to be upset with you or disagree with you all the time.
I highly encourage you to take it down a notch and not take it so personally, because it usually isn’t about you.
I honestly believe the conflict and disagreements that happen in the PTO world is about other people working out their issues and the conflict is misdirected.
Develop Professional Relationships
The next part of managing conflict in your role as a PTO leader is to realize that you don’t have to be best friends with the people you’re working with in the parent group.
You just have to work together to get the job done, nothing more.
Get through the event, program or activity, and then take a break to give yourself the space to recoup to come back and do it all over again.
Be Kind to Yourself
The last part of managing conflict is to give yourself grace.
Just as you’ve given others grace, you need to give yourself some grace and realize that nobody is perfect—not even you, my dear, and not even me.
No one is perfect, and for the most part, people are just trying to do the best job that they can.
Sometimes that leaves a lot to be desired, like I said.
Extending that grace to everybody, including yourself, is a really good way to go.
Watch This
Over to You
When handling conflict as a PTO leader, it helps to keep communication clear, stay professional, and remember to cut yourself and others some slack.
Start by taking a moment to think through your messages, and maybe even talk it over with a friend before sending anything emotionally charged.
Honesty, even when it’s tough, builds trust and helps keep misunderstandings at bay.
Remember that you don’t have to be best friends with everyone—just aim to work well together toward common goals.
And be kind to yourself and others; nobody’s perfect, and most people are trying to do their best.
Staying grounded can help you build positive relationships and handle conflicts with empathy and respect and lead to a more enjoyable PTO volunteer experience.
